oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
