I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
