is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
