my vag is so smooth its legendary
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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