i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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