never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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