Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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