No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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