omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
