now i know why i became what i already was.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
