I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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