I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
