it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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