Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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