drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
