The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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