i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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