we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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