by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
