Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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