He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
