It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
