This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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