Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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