the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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