guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
