and you said cock pushups were impossible
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
