what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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