New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
sarcasm needs its own font
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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