Don't make out with my wife yet
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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