Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
