Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
