Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
