I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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