I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
