no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
