That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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