i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
