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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she told me i tasted like america
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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