Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
