your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The best revenge is premature balding
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
