4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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