This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
