Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
