Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
