Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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