some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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