this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
