My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dignity is for republicans.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
