why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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