I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
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